What's Wrong With That Child?

When you have a child with Autism that is a question you will hear more times then you can count. Every time your child has a meltdown in a store. Each time the begin punching themselves or jabber inconsistently at a family gathering. Yep, family is not immune. Anyone who does not understand Autism and its inner workings is going to think that your child is spoiled, or that you are simply not disciplining them.

“Spoiled Brat.” I can’t tell you how many times I have heard that from family and perfect strangers. It will wear on not only your nerves but break your heart as well.

How do you stop it?

Education.

You could stop everyone that makes a rude comment and explain to them what is going on but that can take up a lot of time and get tedious after a while. There are better ways to let people know that your child is not a spoiled brat without taking up half the day to explain it.

A simple and easy way is to print up business cards with a small amount of information about Autism on them. They explain basic information and can made up quite easily. You can find some that are pre-made and are easy to print out. Since they are small you can carry them in your purse or wallet and pass them out to anyone. Even family. The more people know the more they understand.

Another way is to purchase Autism Awareness T-shirt and merchandise. There are sites that have some great stuff to help promote Autism. Simply do a google search for Autism Merchandise and you will get all the leads you need. Do not be afraid or ashamed to tell the world that your child has Autism. The fact is, silence is your enemy. You must speak out most especially when your child cannot.

Now these methods are great and fine when explaining them to adults, not so much kids. Explaining to other small children or siblings so they understand can be difficult. Being the mother of three girls this is something that hits home.

My oldest and my youngest are not Autistic. Figuring out how to explain to them why their sister was screaming for no reason was not an easy thing to figure out. They didn’t understand words like, Autism, or Mental Disability. I can tell you how I explained it to them.

I started out by telling them that their sister’s brain simply worked differently then theirs did. That she needed more time to understand things.

Children with Autism hear and take in all the information and sounds around them.

My other children didn’t understand that fact. So I had to simplify it. I told them to imagine being in a small room filled with loud music and people screaming. I asked them if they thought they would be able to hear someone whispering from the other side of that room. That, they understood. I told them that this is how their sisters feels all the time and it is why we have to teach her differently.

It really didn’t take that long for them, even at 3 years old to understand what I was telling them and to realize the truth. I know it’s hard to listen to the sneers and ugly comments. I know the frustration you can feel. It’s not easy and you are not alone. The thing to remember is that ignorance is your enemy. Inform. Educate. Explain.

Emotions of Autism

When you first learn that your child has Autism you are going to go through a whirlwind of emotional states. I can attest to my own roller coaster. Listed are just a few, and I do mean only a few, there are many, many more.

Denial

“No my child is fine. She/he just likes to do her/his own thing.” No matter the excuse you give, it is just that, an excuse. In your heart, you know there is something bigger going on. You must set aside your denial. Only then can you get your child the most needed help that he/she is going to need.

Why

Yep that old time question. Why? That you will be asking for the rest of your life. You will never get a satisfactory answer to the ultimate question; “Why my child?” So don’t even try to answer. Just accept that this is what has occurred and now you, as the parent, need to learn to live with it if your child is going to have any hope.

Blame

“Who did this?” “How did this happen?” I struggled with that question for a long time. I read every theory, of which I will go more into in another post. I examined every story. There are times even now that I sit and try and figure it all out. It took me a while to come to the conclusion that the ‘how’ and ‘why’ of it wasn’t what was most important. Helping the child was.

Acceptance

There it is. It will come. There will undoubtedly be other emotional states you will visit on your journey then the ones I have mentioned thus far, however, this one, is one of the most important. Only in accepting that there is something different with your child, can you begin to relearn the world around you. Because that’s exactly what you will have to do.

Raising any child is an emotional upheaval to say the least. Raising one with a disability, well, lets just say it’s not for the faint of heart or weak of spirit. You need to remember that the first step in helping your child is to help yourself. Yes I know, your child come first, as do mine, however, if you neglect your own health, mental well being and happiness, your child will suffer as well.

So remember, it’s okay to take some time for yourself. Go get your hair done. Buy a new dress. Go see a movie. Or just go for lunch alone. Quiet time. Grab them when and where you can because it’s a long, hard road, but the most rewarding one possible.

“I will show her the world through my eyes,
By learning the world in hers.” Kitty Bradford ‘Secret World’

Identifying Autism

Autism effects 1 in every 150 births in America today. It is a silent epidemic that has no cure. People with Autism suffer in silence until someone has the courage and love to stand up and speak for them. It is a challenging task to say the least. One that should never be taken lightly. Raising a child with Autism can be frustrating, time consuming, heartbreak and disappointing, but it can also be the most rewarding job you will ever accept. To see the small child that once sat in silence, isolated from the world finally stand up and speak, learn and grow makes all the hard work worth wild.

Autism can difficult to spot unless you know the warning signs. Each person with Autism can exhibit different signs. Below are the most common signs of Autism. Signs can appear as early as a year old. If your child exhibits these signs contact your doctor for an Autism screening. Do NOT wait. Early intervention can make a world of difference.

1. Does not respond to their name – acts as though he/she is deaf
2. Does not wave bye bye or ‘coo’ by age one
3. Does not make eye contact
4. Resists physical contact
5. Appears unaware of people and surroundings
6. Prefers to play alone and stays in his/her own world
7. Does not start talking by age one and half.
8. Looses acquired speech
9. Has uncontrollable fits of rage, sadness and other emotions (this one goes beyond the typical toddler temper tantrum – fits can often include physical abuse to himself/herself.)
10. Bangs head on wall, or physically hurts themselves for no reason
11. Seems oblivious to physical pain
12. May have abnormal speech rhythm. (i.e. robot tone, or singing voice)
13. Repeats words or phrases constantly but doesn’t understand them
14. Repetitive motion like hand waving, rocking, arm flapping ect.
15. Develops specific routines and patterns and gets upset when those routines are changed
16. Has a habit of lining up object in room, such as lining up chairs, toys, books ect.
17. Becomes unusually obsessed with moving objects; spinning car wheel, fan rotating (my daughter had to have the ceiling fan on at all times)

If you feel your child may have Autism, please do not wait. Take your child to the doctor and ask for an Autism screening. The doctor can then screen your child and refer you to the Early Intervention Program (IEP) in the county/ school district you live in.